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7 Reasons Why He Won’t Have Sex With You | Empowering Midlife Wellness
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- Опубликовано: 1 фев 2023
- I frequently hear about the counter -cultural idea that some men want sex more than their female partners. In fact, being rejected by our heterosexual partner is one of the most painful forms of rejection that we can experience. Naturally we feel it’s our fault….but it’s NOT! There is nothing wrong with you and the problem lies with him. Today I will discuss some of the most common reasons for male lack of sexual desire, and hopefully ease your pain about the shame and rejection that can cripple us.
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I'm 78, single male; been divorced for many years. The one thing I mis most is the intimacy of a female being around; sex included. I envy couples that have been together 40, 50, or 60 years.
You did a superb job with this. It was very comprehenseive and the organization of your presentation was excellent.
My parents are both in their 70s, 76 & my mom is 77. My mom is very down to earth. If something happens, she very swiftly (not that it doesn't sting or hurt) adapts to it. I admire that in her and I am a lot like her. My dad has a major hernia (private region) and since it's not dangerous and the chance for bigger hernias was there with surgery it is what it is. But they have always been very comfortable with different "seasons" in their lives, and are willing to accept whatever is thrown their way. Without lingering emotionally on it, which can't be good, IMMHO!
Thank you so much for this. You are doing such beautiful work in the world. These conversations are so needed.
No intimacy at all for 7 years! On the part of my husband,his health issues started but his health has improved dramatically and still he refuses. At this point it is just house mates and friends. Wondering if we are going to make it
Do you do anything on your side to exite him for him to eat you up
@thunder storm I have in the past not so much now! Don't want to be rejected
Keela, 8 years for me. No intimate contact whatsoever 😢.
Thank you for that...I am with my husband for 20 years now.We love each other very much...we love to touch, kiss and hold each other...but for my husband sex is not priorioty - hugs and that kind of intimacy is enough for him so we have sex rarely...that is why For the last few years I Was telling myself that there is something wrong with me, although I am attractive 45 years old women.I Was searching through the internet are there any women having such an issue...now I know that I am not allone...thank you for that and...Best regards from Poland
I once heard someone's grandmother's advice about sex in long-term relationships: Sex is a small part of a relationship, unless it's not working, and then sex becomes a big part.
Mere conmunication about sex, if the male is not interested, is a very tricky song-and-dance because of the male ego. The male ego can be a positive thing at times, but in this context, it can feel like walking on egg shells.
The 3 things never supposed to talk about: politics, religion, sex. This is a cliche for a reason. These subjects can be very divisive if not handled with great tact/discernment.
Yes, agree with you. My ex-husband was not interested in sex anymore and in kissing, touching, caresses not interested, too. At the end, he started to project that I'm the one who is problematic, i.e. nymphomaniac. No further talks, communication and debates on that subject was allowed about that subject with him. So, I have decided after several years of not being touched, kissed, hugged and making love to divorce. After the divorce, he told me that he was resentful and very jealeous about me, my behaviour, my good looks. Ok, life goes on, I got what I was looking for, he too!
The hardest part is if your spouse refuse to talk about something..but..also refuse to say..why
I believe that ..growing old gracefully is the problem....because accepting it easily..one will not do anything to continue looking younger
To recap; #1- It's all the man's fault. You just have to figure out how to shift the blame to him and absolve yourself of any responsibility. #2- See #1.
I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Women have been used for ions. We are only trying to explain that men age too and that most you boomer men and Gen X men are just really really REALLY bad in bed. Now that the younger generations are more open and the truth is out there. Men need to learn how to have sex with a women and it isn't always by penetration.
I disagree with her on that. She needs to be fair about the topic. It could very well be the woman’s fault: poor hygiene, bad attitude, unkind, selfish, domineering, nagging, unloving, etc.,
I assure you that there are countless women who disagree with this doctor on this subject.
Not all of us aren't willing to discuss things ;) thanks for the video.
I’m 63. Remarriage, 18 years. The last 10 years void of sex, touching, kissing, anything. I did everything I could except walk out because I didn’t want another divorce. My sex drive has always been high. He refused to discuss or do anything even when I showed him that penetration wasn’t the end all. He left me for another woman and quickly married her. He later died. She told a mutual male friend that they never had sex not even once, and he shared this with me without back info or prompting. I did EMDR therapy to get past the trauma of the ongoing rejection that I felt, because it IS trauma. We divorced 7 years ago. I’m grateful to be in a relationship with a man who loves touch, sex, and being together, and frequently checks in about my needs and vice versa. Thank you for talking about this.
I shut this down before 2 minutes and here's why:
"Almost always about HIM?!? Very presumptuous, and classic "victim blame-shifting"!
Real world:
men aren't interested in having sex at this stage because they're tired of being shut-down and rejected for YEARS.
+If you took the time to find out what pleases her, you'd be having sex all the time. Women are tired of putting up with horrible sex. Men are not good lovers. Period.
Yeah. If HE doesn't want sex, its a problem.
If SHE doesn't want it, he needs to just accept it.
Not true, she addresses this in another video.
@@sorryprivate9016 If only women would guide men if it is not god enough. But they often don't. But again every thing bad in a relationship is the mans fault.
Thank you for a very comfortable way of dealing with this topic. I am male and appreciate your approach and actions to take.
My boyfriend and I are benefiting by reading out loud together books by Gottman including "Eight Dates" and "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work", The Love Prescription ". All are excellent.
I saw something where Dr. Phil addressed the problem. He said that if sex is good in a marriage, it counts as about 10% of total satisfaction [with the marriage], but if sex is bad or nonexistant in a marriage, it counts as about 90% of dissatisfaction. For some crazy reason, I spent nearly 40 years in a basically sexless marriage, and it nearly killed me emotionally. How I wish I had left and found a better relationship! If it is broken for whatever reason and can't be repaired, get out/move on. Don't ruin/waste your life like I did.
Good
How about when the woman cannot achieve any sexual arousal, feels nothing during sex, does not engage, and just goes through the motions? This could be no. 8 as to why men don’t want to have sex. It’s one-sided and is not that much fun if your partner gets nothing out of the encounter. We’ve tried it all: sex therapist, HRT, sensate focus, changing medications, toys. It’s like novacaine has been injected into her genitals. It sucks (and not in a good way)!
Because she probably finds your love making not very good. Sorry - but that is usually the number one reason. Some women can only orgasm with clitoral stimulation. That means you have to actually try to please her before you enter. But you do you, I imagine you are saying it's HER fault.
No no no - everything is his fault! Women are never responsible for anything.
Just saw a video on YT about clitoral atrophy. Maybe she has that?
My husband was sexually assaulted as a teen and was also on SSRIs. I was waiting for him to deal with it and 25 years had gone past. I finally asked him to see if there was a different antidepressant- something that had not occurred to me. He had a kidney transplant and I know he is self-conscious about the scars HE never was good sexually and never sought to improve his skill levels.
Wellbutrin antidepressant.
awesome explanation
After almost 40 years of marriage to the same person and raising two wonderful children. My thoughts are if one of us has a problem it’s not his or hers it’s our problem to try and fix. was very surprised after all your explaining throughout the video that you threw that out at the end, it’s his problem. Will be waiting for the video of the 20 reasons why women don’t want to have sex with men because in my experience, the female body is way more complicated than the men when it comes to intimacy and sex. Just saying. 👍👊😎
That would require her admitting that women DO actually share blame for ANYTHING. Can't do that.
She has a video out about this.
My issue is just the opposite. I'm a 65 yr old man and I need it at least twice a week. My wife (52) is always willing to accomodate me, but her needs are very minimal compared to mine and it often feels very one-sided. I often feel guilty like I'm imposing on her, though she assures me otherwise. If it weren't for my needs, she would probably be good once every 3 months. I don't know how to re-ignite her interest in me.
Exactly my issue. 51/55 I would settle for twice weekly but not with a "silicone doll". But I dare not talk about the issue for fear of being branded a sex maniac. But this is how I connect and bond. I call it intimacy (making love), she calls it sex. 😕
Us ladies lose our sex drive when our hormones drop out in Menopause. You men are still lovely to us, we just don't feel good about our changing bodies. Perhaps you can talk to her about hormone replacement? It has helped many women restore their desire. Btw, twice a week is perfectly healthy and normal. It's awesome you're so healthy that way! 🥰
@@pmbnetI feel like you’re talking about me lol, before I started HRT including testosterone. Now I want it more than my husband.
@@mamulove6330 My lady also started Testosterone injections (Sustanon-250) now as her blood test showed very low T. Hoping for a good outcome. She is also using a patch for the other hormones. Can you tell me more about how you get your T dose please, and how long before you felt a difference?
I with you man, me to!
This video contains helpful information, but sometimes, “Babe, it IS you!” When a man is young, he will put up with a lot from a woman just to optimize the sexual opportunities. When a man gets older, maybe he’s a bit more discriminating and not willing to sell his soul or “simp” for sexual opportunities. At this point, the woman’s well-engrained obnoxious attitudes and behaviors are turn-offs.
Wow, I'm glad you're not my husband
@@sorryprivate9016 Sorry to tell you, but this can also be true. Just as a male has issues such as ED, women has their own also. Of course, he could had been nicer about it, and I at least hope he was with his wife (or kept his mouth shut), as that's no way to deal with anyone that close. Rather be compassionate (if he loves her) & get her to talk about what's wrong. Obviously something is, I've been down the same road, so I know. Once my wife started skipping periods, life became hell for me & come to find out, all she needed was to talk to her doctor about medication. Yet she refused, citing cancer risks. So what, many medicines has risks, but we have to take them at times.
Anyway, all I'm saying is that it's NOT always the man's fault, that people of both sexes can be too demanding & that it's up to each couple, as Dr. Susan stated, to have conversation & see what the problem is. I believe she should had made that a bit more clear, because a couple of things she stated in fact does turn men off, yet there's still hope, she can work on these too. One of which is a simple vaginal exercise done for about a few minutes 2-3 times per day. The 2nd being if both were within healthy weights when married or relationship began, the other shouldn't become a fat slob.
With no more than he said, neither of us knows what's wrong inside that marriage, as anyone can be pushed to anger (what it sounds like on his end). I know that mine has been so with me, but I didn't speak of it to her in those terms. Instead, I went to my Dr. & he put me on Xanax therapy, which has worked fine for over 20 years!🙏🙏
I had breast cancer in 2009, double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, including nipples and tattooing. They look pretty decent but don't work, of course. My partner has been on big boob sites chatting with these women and even paid one of them $100 to drive here and meet up with him. Of course, the young chick wanted more money and he said forget it. He is 79 and I am 73. We have been dating since December. This is very hurtful to me. I feel like I'm not enough, although he says he loves me and I mean the world to him. Dr. Smith, can you talk about this subject? He also has Ed and has tried different drugs but nothing works. Thank you.
You said that most times it is not another woman. Also men are coultry conditioned to want younger women.
He is having an affair with a woman 10 years older then me. He is 40 I am 63 she is 73.
We had lived together for 5 years until I caught the affair with this woman who was susppose to be a friend of mine. He is living on her property in a rv.
Fast forward another 2 years goes by. Him and I still see each other on a daily basis. I still do everything with him that couples do such as clean his house go fishing, yard work, cooking care for our animals, ect.
We have not had sex in over 2 years and he refuses to talk about it. He is still having sex with her.
And I know this because she purposely leaves items on the table beside the bed that used to be mine. I have heard the 2 of them talking about me. She asked him why he doesn't stop talking to me period, he said it is because we have a long history and he is not ready to do that, then tells her he loves her.
I am here at his house now. I have been here for 3 nights now. We cuddle hold each other and sleep. No sex. I will be going home today and she will be here tonight in my bed long enough to have sex with him and go back to her house.
I am being torn apart by this. They both know it. Unlike them I speak my mind every time I catch them creeping, sneaking & lying.
I need help......
Sounds like you have a man who loves older women!😀
I say that not jokingly, truth being, you're of age to be his mother & he desires another that's yet 10 years older? To be honest, I say you should go ahead & divorce him, since he stays in her RV & seems to love it. You have grounds for a no-fault, or if he pushes the issue, the adultery issue. If the two of you are simply living together, have a restraining order taken out & the Sheriff will take care of evicting him.
Just have one question for you. Why are you cleaning his house, or is the house you're living in his to begin with? If so, your rights may be greatly limited if not legally married. BTW, you're quite attractive for your age, so I see nothing wrong with you!😀
ty. I was thinking bs before you said it
The partner that uses withholding sex in a bid to gain greater control within their relationship often ends up outside that relationship. Half-hearted Hoovering or proxy Hoovering won´t cut it, after that discard, the insult sits pretty deep. Women constantly negotiate for greater status and control. Self agrandizement can never be satiated, it is inate. By the way: Being fat is your fault, you did it to yourself with your own fork for your own reasons. Are you a Fructose/Sugar/Carbohydrate addict? Men who get fat are at fault, right? Narcissism is the pathology, Monogamy is a comorbidity designed to secure narcissistic supply.
Yes, I divorced at being 45 years old mainly because of that, ex-husband was 60 years old at that time. I re-married being 49 years old with a man 7 years older than me though we have no problems in sex issues at all. No matter on my peri-menopause, now I'm 52 still having a sound and beautiful sex life.
So you left your spouse because he didn't want to have sex with you
It's never about you....ok. wrong. It can be about you. Men like younger women because they are more attractive. Just like younger men are more attractive. Let's keep lying to our selves.
Yes, but this video is for women, so we have to lie to them, because women are utterly incapable of accepting responsibility for anything
I’m sorry I cannot give this video a like, largely because I think you’ve missed the most important reason men stop having sex with their wives. Perhaps some husbands just get tired of being REJECTED (literally) thousands of times over the years. After enough rejection, most men just give up asking or pursuing their wives for sex. I think you may be underestimating the pain rejection causes a man.
You are so right.
I'm 72, date guys around 60, no problems!
I suffer from lichen sclerosis,as well as the perimenopause I'm on HRT nothing helps I also suffer from UTI and thrush, no libido, my husband got high sex drive and he 58 I'm 54❤
If you had a hysterectomy is it normal not to have sexual feelings
Yes for some women. Talk to your Doctor about it. They can help.
When they lose attraction or see the evil they hid
it should say why women don`t have sex what are the 200 reasons
Why am i here i dont even have a sexual connection
When it come's to any and all various form's of sexuality. Those who live in a first world country have more issue's than those who live in third world countries. First world countries have an ideaology, that has been held up to the N-th degree in regard's to what happen's between two or more consentlng adult's behind closed door's is accepted. "BUT" is alway's followed by the ideaology which in part mimic's the following. "What goes on in LAS VEGAS, STAY'S in LAS VEGAS!".
Both Male's and Female's, though to a degree are simular in their discription's, different as night is to day. Not being a FEMALE, I can only speak from a Male's point of view; But I realize that Female's though different have the same desire's. An average Male desire's his mate and I'm referring to a "FEMALE", to be a cook in the kitchen, a housekeeper in his castle, a nanny to his children, and a whore in the bedroom. Female's can be taught using various method's in regard's to how to be a good cook, housekeeper, nanny; And no one has any issue as to just how she managed to learn those thing's. "BUT" it would seem that "EVERYONE" has major issue on just how she learned to be the whore he desire's in the bedroom.
My opinion is that you are doing a disservice by ignoring the fact that if a woman is not taking care of her health, staying fit, exercising and becomes out of shape, really overweight then that is not attractive and will turn men off. A few men may be attracted to overweight women but from my view it's a no go if a woman is overweight and out of shape. It is possible that the woman is really really unattractive, simple as that so don't try to avoid that as a reason. It is your fault if you get overweight and unattractive. Only you can do something to change that.
Sex can still be fulfilling if one or both are overweight. There are many ways of getting intimate. Any woman that is ripe&ready for bedroom play, is a huge turn-on. 💃
Shows how little you know about the human body. How hormones influence metabolism, etc. Being overweight isn't always the person's fault. Conditions like hypothyroidism and PCOS make staying healthy extremely difficult and almost impossible for some women. Aging also makes everything worse too.
@@meghanh6745 It's always the overweight person's fault since only they are putting food into their mouth and swallowing it. They always have a choice. And they can also get up and move rather than sit on the couch all day. There are always excuses and you are helping people justify their unhealthy lifestyle. It feels good but it's not helping.
I agree with Jacques. Just want to add it goes both ways. Men also let them selves go. Either way let's stop making stuff up and being polite about it. I'm not attracted to fatties and 90% of women iver the age of 35 are over weight.
@@pmbnet Not for me, not into that kinky stuff!🤣 BTW, am 60 years old & am 6' 10" & weigh 168 pounds, almost what I weighed when 20. I don't want a fat woman laying beside me, on top & no way would I think of performing oral on her.
Why is this so important!! I think sex is so overrated! How is this empowering women if the only worries in your head is why he is not sleeping with you. Get a life!
It’s called being a human being. It’s reality.
@@justbecause9219 I am celibate for the last five years. Honestly, is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself and my body. You never know until you try it.
Veronica, intimacy/connection is a basic human need. If you’re fine not having any of that, great, but who do you think you are to tell people who miss those things to “get a life”?? Some of us have lost a spouse and miss all of that physical love and security. Stay in your lane!
Are you saying that you aren’t going to wonder why your partner (if you have a partner) is not interested in having sex with you?
Sounds like you have very limited experience with interpersonal relationships and sex which could explain your ignorant comment and perhaps your celibacy to.
Nope- it was about her being boring. Not the guy.
This is just one more "professional " dispensing "couples" advice by saying "its all his fault."
Like all the others, if she doesn't want it, its his fault. If he doesn't, its also his fault.
If he cheats, it's his fault. If she cheats, its his fault.
If he gets sick, fired, dies = his fault. Same things happen to her= also his fault.
There is NOTHING that happens to a couple that is NOT his fault. Car breakdown, home break in, kids, no kids, etc. Everything is his fault.
Women never do anything wrong. They don't start drinking, they dont gain 100 lbs they don't ignore health problems, they always smell their best.
LOL!
Maybe at SOME point, a guy MIGHT get tired of trying. Trying to make her happy, tired of pretending the 300 lb lump is sexy and attractive, tired of hearing "not tonight," tired of the constant nagging drone of her voice.
#1 - GOD FORGOT TO GIVE WOMEN A SEX DRIVE.
#0 "God" didn't teach MEN how to have sex correctly.